


Baby Steps

by TheSheWolf



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Coming Out, I just wrote what I wish would happen in 7x14, M/M, Maggie & Jesus Friendship, POV Jesus, Pre-Slash, Sad Jesus (Walking Dead), Sasha & Jesus Friendship, spoiler-ish i guess, the promo pics gave me the idea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-10-05 07:02:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10300439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSheWolf/pseuds/TheSheWolf
Summary: Jesus is sitting on the stairs of his trailer, beating himself up because he couldn't convince Sasha to stay. Maggie comes to comfort him and Jesus find himself opening up to her about some really personal things.aka what I wish would happened in 7x14





	

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd by sherstrader. Thank you so much <3

Paul was sitting on the stairs of his trailer. The sun was slowly setting but they'd still have a solid hour of daylight, maybe two. Hilltop was still buzzing with people going on about their day, some of them still training with knives or spears, preparing to go to war. 

If it had been any other day, Paul would have been with them, correcting their stance, or the way they held their weapons. Or he would be with Maggie, organizing the rebellion, counting the people they had, the weapons they had, brainstorming about where to find more. But right now he just didn't feel like it. Right now he didn't feel like being Jesus. 

He had been sitting there when he watched Sasha leave Hilltop with Rosita. Both had a resolute look on their face and neither of them had turned around as the gates were getting shut slowly behind them. When the gates had been completely shut, Paul had felt a wave of anger take over is body. He was angry with Negan for what he was doing to his community, to others'. He was angry with Rosita for showing up with a suicide plan and asking for Sasha's help. He was angry with Sasha for agreeing so easily. But most of all he was angry with himself. 

He had tried to convince Sasha to stay when he caught her gathering her things, he had tried to make her understand that, even if things were working slowly, slower than he had imagined, he had to admit, things were getting done. Maggie and him were getting things done, Rick was getting things done. She had told him about Abraham, about that night in the woods. About how she couldn't sleep because everytime she closed her eyes she could still picture Negan pointing at Abraham with his baseball bat. 

She had told him how she felt when he had deliver the final “it” of the song, when Abraham had flashed his last peace sign to her. They was pride in her voice when she told him he never let go of Negan's gaze, refusing to drop his eyes, and that after he took the first swing he still had the strength to tell Negan to suck his nuts. 

Her voice broke when she told him that the sound of Negan bashing Abraham's head repeatedly was never leaving her. And that staying here doing nothing was driving her mad. She explained that she wasn't like him or Maggie, she was not good with people, she couldn't tread carefully and beat about the bush. She needed action, she needed to avenge Abraham and Rosita was offering both. And if it could help them with the upcoming war then it was just a bonus. 

“You're gonna get yourself killed” Paul had said, going for broke. He just wanted her to understand that what Rosita was offering was a suicide mission and they couldn't lose her, Maggie couldn't lose her, he couldn't lose her. He had tried not to get involved too much. Not to get attached too much. It was always a bad idea in a world where the dead rose again to eat the living. But those two women were so strong, so brave, so human, even after all they had been through that Paul had taken a liking to them without even realising it. 

Still, getting attached to someone and knowing how to handle or express those feelings were two different things and Jesus wasn't a fan of either. He was empathic, he understood others' emotions and understood others' choices driven by those emotions. But when it came to his emotions, Paul wouldn't touch them with a ten-foot pole. As for his choices, Paul would always choose the most rational solution. 

And that's why he said “You gonna get yourself killed” and not “I don't want you to get yourself killed.”

And when Sasha had replied: 

“We all have something worth dying for” and headed for the door he said :

“Please, stay, we need you, it's too dangerous” instead of “Please, don't go, we care about you, it's too dangerous”

And now here he was, sitting on those damn stairs, burning a hole in the gates wishing they'd open again and that Sasha and Rosita would be back. As his anger turned slowly into a tremendous sadness.

He was still replaying his conversation with Sasha in his head, thinking about what he should have said instead of the meaningless speech he gave her about getting Negan when the time would come, when Maggie approached him. 

Maggie sat on the last step and offered him a feeble smile. 

“Hey” she said. Sadness was back on her features now that Sasha was gone. 

When Sasha had left his trailer, she headed right towards Maggie who was still recruiting people to fight the war with them. She had told the pregnant woman that Rosita and her had to a plan to take down Negan and that she was leaving with her to do just that. Before Maggie could protest or try to reason with her. Sasha had drawn Maggie in a tight hug and then had turned and left. 

“Hey” Paul replied, still staring at the gate. He couldn't meet her eyes, he felt guilty for not being able to stop Sasha. It felt like he had let down both her and Maggie doing so. 

Paul could feel Maggie's gaze on him and he didn't want to look back. He knew she was there to talk, and talking to Maggie always involved expressing feelings and right now he really could do without. 

But Maggie didn't say anything, didn't ask anything and Paul realised that she must be here because they both needed some company. She must've feel just as sad as him that she couldn't stop Sasha from going. Paul felt the need to comfort her. 

“I found her packing her bag in the trailer, after I showered” he explained. “I tried to talk to her, I tried to make her stay” he said, watching his hands while he played with a loose thread on his cargo pants. 

Maggie was still silent, still observing him. It was kind of unnerving.

“You could have convinced her to stay. I didn't know what to say but you would have find the words” he said, there was a burning feeling behind his eyes and he didn't like this one bit. 

“You saw I couldn't.” Maggie replied softly trying to make him feel better. 

“Because she wouldn't let you!” he snapped, finally meeting her gaze and regretting it the moment he saw the concern etched in her features.

“Because her choice was already made.”he continued. “But when I found her, she... she wasn't sure! She was wavering and I just couldn't find the right words! I couldn't reach her when you could have! If it was you that found her, she'd still be here!”

Gentleness spread all over Maggie's face and she offered a sad smile to Paul. She reached across and and took the hand that was still playing with the loose thread. Then she caught Paul's eyes again.

“You don't know that.” she said, squeezing his hand and offering another smile, this time a little less sad. 

“Sasha is one of the most resolute people I know. And I can tell you, if she feels like she needs to do something there is no one who can stop her. Not you.” 

She let his hand go and leant fully on the ballister. 

“And not me.”She added, offering a last smile, this one was bigger, but her eyes were glistening with unshed tears. 

Paul's heart clenched at the sight and he reached to touch her knee in a small gesture of comfort. They stay like this for awhile, staring at eachother, saying nothing. Paul's hand still on Maggie's knee. It was that easy bonding with Maggie. 

“You really know how to talk to people, Maggie Rhee” he said with a smile and squeezed her knee before letting go. 

“You're not so bad yourself, Paul “Jesus” Rovia” she replied, chuckling.

“It's not the same.” Paul explained. “I use my words so that people would do what I need them to do. You use yours so that people do what they need to do for themselves. That's why I can see you lead this place and not me.” 

Maggie was silent. She was watching him like she was waiting for him to go on, so Paul went on. 

“Actually, that's not the only reason” he added, dropping his eyes to his hands again. “Being a leader, ruling this place, it means you commit to the people you lead. If you want to be a good leader, you have to trust your people, you have to get involved.” 

Paul found Maggie's eyes before continuing. 

“People often ask me why I didn't take Gregory's place if I hate how he run this place so much. The answer is, I can't do it. It's not just that I don't want to, I just can't. I can't get involved, I can't commit to them and I can't trust them all. And it's not them, it's me. I've always had trouble trusting people, and I've always had trouble committing to them. Even people I felt close with, even... with my boyfriends.” 

There, he said it. He dropped all his bombs on Maggie. But his insecurities or his sexuality didn't seem to bother her. She was watching him with concern in her eyes and fondness in her face and it was hard for Paul not to look away because he really felt like he didn't deserve her acceptance right now. 

“That's why I let Gregory do what he wanted with the Hilltop. I was okay with just doing runs on my own and just bringing supplies and trades to the community. I couldn't do more. But the people at Hilltop... They deserve more, they deserve better than Gregory, better than me. They deserve you as their leader, Maggie.”

Maggie rose and came to sit next to him, she took his hand in her's and threaded their fingers.

“Hey, cut that out. Hilltop is more than lucky to have you.” when Paul opened his mouth to protest she went on. 

“You're getting involved. You're committing, even if you don't realise it. You took Sasha and me in when we came here seeking for help on the worst day of our life. You helped Daryl” she said, nodding at where the archer was sat on a table crafting arrows. 

“You took everyone to the Kingdom to find allies in a war you said you'll fight with us. You're doing more than enough, and not just for Hilltop, for all of us.” 

“I'm just doing what needs to be done. I'm just doing what's fair.” Paul replied.

“Some people with your skills would have just run away to a safer place.” she stated. 

“You don't understand. It's not committing to a cause that I find difficult. I know what is right and what is wrong. It's committing to people that's hard for me, letting them in.” 

“You let me in.” Maggie said squeezing his hand. And it's not a question, she knows he trusts her completely and that he did let her in but Paul would attribute this more to Maggie's magic than him making any kind of progress. 

“Yeah well, you kinda smashed the door open” Paul said, eyes fixed on their intertwined fingers. “I didn't have any other choice than to let you in.” 

“Good.” Maggie replied. “Now than the door is open maybe you should let other people in.” 

Jesus lifted his head to look at Maggie, she was looking in front of them. Paul followed her gaze and saw she was looking at Daryl. 

“You mean Daryl?” he said dumbfounded, chuckling lightly with the absurdity of Maggie's suggestion. “Shouldn't I start wih an easier target? Baby steps, you know.” 

“You know, when I first met him he was like you. Hell, he was even worse! He wouldn't let anybody near him. When Rick's group first arrived at my family's farm, he wasn't letting anybody in. He would camp alone, the farthest from everyone else. He was with Rick's group beause he had rapidly understood that now that the world had ended he couldn't survive alone but it was like he didn't really want to be part of the group.” 

She met Jesus' gaze again before she went on. 

“Then he started letting people in. First, it was a little girl named Sophia, Carol's daughter, she had gone missing and he would spend his entire days searching for her. He even got really hurt in the process and, yes, it didn't turn out well but he didn't stop trying and, with time, he let other people in.”

Something that looked awfully like pain flashed on Maggie's face before she averted her eyes to look somewhere into the distance. 

“Some he lost, some he still has with them. The important thing is that he has a family now. And I'm sure that if you ask him if it was worth it he'd say yes.” she finished before looking back at Paul. He could see she was crying now and he understood she was not just talking about Daryl. 

Paul raised his free hand and wiped the tear that was falling on Maggie's cheek, eyesbrows and mouth set on a frown while he watched his friend's pained face. He wanted to apologize for bringing back all these painful memories but Maggie beat him to it. 

“But I'm sure if you asked him today he would just tell you to fuck off because he doesn't know you.” she added, her chuckle a bit strangled by the sobs she was trying to hold back. “Yet. That's why I'm telling you to try with Daryl. You got him out of there, you saw how it was. I don't know what happened but he keeps throwing looks at you like you're going to spill some big bad secret about how you both escaped and you keep avoiding him.” 

For the first time, Jesus focused on Daryl who was still working on his arrows. It was true, Jesus had noticed Daryl throwing worried looks at him. At first he had thought it was because he didn't trust him with Maggie but when she had gone to Paul asking if he knew what happened to Daryl back at the Sanctuary, because the archer wouldn't talk about it, he knew then what those looks were about. 

Daryl was worried Paul had told Maggie about what happened when they escaped. How he bashed that guy's head like a mad man without being able to stop. How he did exactly the same thing that what had happened to Glenn. 

That idea hadn't crossed Paul's mind if he was being perfectly honest. Even with how loyal he felt towards Maggie the story of Daryl and Paul's escape belonged to them and only them. And okay maybe it was something. Maybe Paul wanted to be loyal to Daryl too. 

Now that he thought about it he had always felt differently about the archer. When they first met Daryl had been the one who had intrigued him and, even if he had been the one to threaten him the most, the one who had convinced him Rick and his group were good people. 

Daryl had been his first irrational choice. Back at the Sanctuary, when Paul had meet his eyes while he was on that's truck's roof. He could have just gone, he had a free ticket to go home safely and Daryl being there alive meant the Saviors didn't plan on killing him. 

Besides, staying here to help Daryl escape wasn't safe, it wasn't safe for him, it wasn't safe for Daryl, it wasn't safe for Hilltop or Alexandria. Sasha had just asked him to find the Saviors after all and he was sure that even Daryl would have understood his choice. But when he had met those sad, tired blue eyes and saw that all the intensity that used to be there was gone, it made him angry for some reason and he had chosen to stay and help him. 

And what happened with that one Savior Daryl had killed didn't change anything, it didn't make Paul regret his choice and he was still happy he had stayed. And now that he was watching Daryl attentively he understood. Paul realised that even if he had accepted Daryl's violent outburst, Daryl didn't and Daryl needed someone to talk to. And it couldn't be Maggie. And it couldn't be Paul because Paul hadn't let him in. Yet. 

He turned to Maggie one last time to find the support he knew would be on her face. She smiled and nodded at him. Then he squeezed her knee one last time before he rose and headed towards Daryl. He will try to let him in. But first, he'll just try to talk to him. Baby steps.

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me about desus and my hilltop crew on twitter : @casitstoobig  
> Or on tumblr : http://casitstoobig.tumblr.com/


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